the premature decision.

my brother once told me wisely, that sometimes, a good separation came from a silent trigger. you can see the symptoms. constant changes, hidden distraction (you name it, brah!). we had our long conversation about something that keeps running on our head, about decision and conclusion of our own life.
i appreciate our beautiful mind. for what i agree, i believe, that, a grown-up relationship will need an innermost contemplation, a something that could arrange your present love, while probably solitude will arrange itself (i said probably). sooo........talking about mine?
he was looking at me sadly. he knew. "go on sis, tell me" he said.

see the thing is, i have this difficulties to explain on why i should see that, this is not a failure, no, but more like force majeure. as a grown up relationship trying to be, this may be the most massive struggle we've ever done to really make it works. the dangerous phase where actually everything is fun but vaguely not fine, all covered up in a perfect beautiful package. we're not a coin who has a different side that complete each other, we're the same side. you can see another version of me in him. totally. we reach at a point when i finally realized that this is the war. the war that we don't made, this is the tragicomedy story that we can't see clearly. once again, (i hate to say this) this relationship stays in purgatory (purgatory, brah, ring a bell of something? dante alighiery?hehehe)


so blame me, for being the trigger. i had to. i refuse to fall into the same hole. shit happens but we're no longer in the kindergarten where kermit from sesame street taught us a simple and honest message, please step aside. see the different between childhood and adulthood.

you were right my brother, i have to take the premature decision.